Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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