The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
