dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
