my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
