omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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