Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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