I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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