What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
