so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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