Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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