i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
