she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
