he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
