I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
