Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm like, not good at living.
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