and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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