I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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