i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
