I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
