4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
