I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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