I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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