you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
