Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's always time for handjobs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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