dude i'm inner monologue high
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
