Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
