umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
