she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
