Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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