Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't put those talents on a resume
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
