Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
