If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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