2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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