Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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