We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
