Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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