and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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