What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
stop calling my apartment porn island.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
