So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
