dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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