I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
