you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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