i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I lost the right to judge tonight
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
