so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
