In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
