What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
