whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
