I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
pray to the hookup gods
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
