Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
