Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
