you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
