don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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