I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
