There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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