I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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