i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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