He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
