Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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