Taylor Swift is so right about you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
