I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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