After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
